Life’s been a bit messy the last few weeks – lots going on, lots of loose ends, lots of uncertainty, a little frustration, a little heartache, a number of friends in hard and frustrating places – but you know what, somehow, in a funny kind of way it’s been good.
In the mess, emotion and confusion Jesus has been close – he’s been real and personal in ways I’ve not experienced for quite a while. Mess can actually be okay, it’s life, it doesn’t need running away from, it can actually be good to sit in sometimes. I think too often we want answers, we seek clarity, clean lines, safety, when actually we just need Jesus.
And in mess the shit hits the fan: old genuine heartfelt vows are tested – Did I really mean that? Did I really commit to follow whatever? Does this really mean I have to act this way now? Do I really trust? In the mess I’ve found again that Jesus won my heart a long time ago and yes it’s still his. These days things might not feel so warm and jolly, but there’s resolve and there’s peace: it feels right to live right. It’s not always easy but it is good to live well. It’s good not to live selfishly, to put Jesus first, to put people first, to live generously, to be a good friend, to look after myself physically, emotionally and spiritually, to live honestly, to live justly. I wanna choose these things more. And here in the mess, in the tough choices, in the uncertainty I find Jesus, and, whatever else, it’s good to be near him. So if he’s here, then I think I’ll sit in the mess a little longer..
In the mess, emotion and confusion Jesus has been close – he’s been real and personal in ways I’ve not experienced for quite a while. Mess can actually be okay, it’s life, it doesn’t need running away from, it can actually be good to sit in sometimes. I think too often we want answers, we seek clarity, clean lines, safety, when actually we just need Jesus.
And in mess the shit hits the fan: old genuine heartfelt vows are tested – Did I really mean that? Did I really commit to follow whatever? Does this really mean I have to act this way now? Do I really trust? In the mess I’ve found again that Jesus won my heart a long time ago and yes it’s still his. These days things might not feel so warm and jolly, but there’s resolve and there’s peace: it feels right to live right. It’s not always easy but it is good to live well. It’s good not to live selfishly, to put Jesus first, to put people first, to live generously, to be a good friend, to look after myself physically, emotionally and spiritually, to live honestly, to live justly. I wanna choose these things more. And here in the mess, in the tough choices, in the uncertainty I find Jesus, and, whatever else, it’s good to be near him. So if he’s here, then I think I’ll sit in the mess a little longer..
1 comment:
hello!! I just found your blog whilst following links from other people's blogs! I like it..I might add you to mine! Hope you're well :) x Love Rachel (from sheffield!)
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